hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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