I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
now i know why i became what i already was.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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