Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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