i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
