Porn is love you can see.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize
