Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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