We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
