Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
