and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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