I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
