Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
