I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
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