I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
