It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
