so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
