Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
