So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
