last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
