member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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