I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
