They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
