Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
