you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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