is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I just had sex on a roof
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
