Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
