just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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