does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
