People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
