you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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