okay pat passed out under dana's car
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
