I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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