she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
