I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
