two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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