I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Randomize
