My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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