for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
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