my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
