Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
That accounts for only three of the penises
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Randomize
