Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
