You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
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