So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize