In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
