watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
