I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
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