if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
