I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
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