I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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