She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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