sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
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