I met the friendliest cop last night
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
