mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
