i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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