dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
