Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
