I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
