those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
