If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
