If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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