Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
