She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
