my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
