Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Randomize
