have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
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I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
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Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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