ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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