I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
