Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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